So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
