What a fucking waste of an outfit
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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