All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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