you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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