i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
