So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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