Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize