You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
