You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
