and you said cock pushups were impossible
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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