i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
