Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
