every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
