i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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