I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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