Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
