Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
