im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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