Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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