You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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