we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
