how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I feel like a drive thru vagina
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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