Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
