I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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