You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
