She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
