How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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