But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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