i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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