Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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