I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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