Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Randomize
