i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
