I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
