He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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