you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize