Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
