Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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