Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
