well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
