So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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