i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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