i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
