I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
