wat bout pragnant strippers??
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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