So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I think I sprained my soul last night
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
