She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
