He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
