My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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