Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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