Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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