He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
