Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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