okay pat passed out under dana's car
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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