I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
