3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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