? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize