i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
