On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
