He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
