i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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