it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
