I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
