So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
