Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
