My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
