Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
