Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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