YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
