Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
