paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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