nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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