Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize