what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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