I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
