have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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