How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
