Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
