Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
