What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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