I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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