She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
