He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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