the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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