R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
