He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
