My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
it was like eating out sand paper
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
