if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
