I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
