She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
