He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I love you. Go after that dick
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize