too bad you live with your parents still
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
