You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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