I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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