he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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