The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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