Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize