I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
