Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Why did my mother make you get naked?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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