I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
