So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
