I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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