if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize