after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
