the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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