3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
