if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Sext me about skeletons
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
