No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize