her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize