So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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