apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
